2014 was a year of fabulous music and 2014 was a year of some really massive duds. I sat and tried, but it’s so hard to pick my favorites – I just love too much. On the other hand, it was incredibly easy to make a long list of songs I’d rather never hear again. Of course I couldn’t miss the opportunity to bring those songs to a fiery stake and wish them buh-bye as the year closes. What was hard was downsizing the list to only five selections.
I’m a little scared about this post, not gonna lie. Last time I semi-publicly insulted an artist’s song, somehow all of Tumblr was after me with a pack of ravenous llamas. Trust me, that’s a weird story for another time. Damn you Psy.
But I fear no one. So let’s begin. Here’s the list of the worst songs of 2014 in my opinion. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out as the clock strikes 2015.
“Hello Kitty” – Avril Lavigne
I didn’t even think Avril Lavigne had a career anymore. But then she made a racially insensitive video and the whole world was talking about her again. I watched/listened out of pure curiosity (why am I such a pop culture masochist?) and made it through about 10 seconds without shuddering and turning Youtube off. Yeah, it’s that bad. But, it’s not the worst thing she’s ever released. *War flashbacks of the duet Lavigne released in 2013 with her husband, Nickelback front man Chad Kroeger.* Dear lord now THAT was awful. Take your own advice and cya l8tr [boi]!
ANYTHING RELEASED BY PITBULL
Yeah that’s right Pitbull doesn’t even get a single song picked. They’re all awful and sound exactly the same and I can’t distinguish between them at all to give the title to just one. It’s just grunts and him shouting Mr. 305, Mr. Worldwide and laughing. Maybe a few lines about asses. That’s the exact formula. Yet, for as gross of a human being he is he keeps showing up everywhere and taking over airwaves. Why he has the credentials to host the American Music Awards multiple years in a row but I don’t is something I will never understand. Explain me that.
How many of these songs made me feel in 2014.
Sun Daze – Florida Georgia Line
Nope that’s not a typo. It’s daze with a z, cause it’s clever and they’re drunk and haha…no. This song is bro country to the extreme because that’s a genre now. I couldn’t tell you why. I didn’t think Florida Georgia Line could get any worse than “Cruise” with Nelly, but I was very wrong. Maybe I need a few dozen natty ices in my system to understand the appeal of this one.
#SELFIE – The Chainsmokers
2014 must’ve been the year of musical irony. That must be the only reason why this “song” (YES I DID THE FRIENDS QUOTATIONS) went viral. Is this music? Can it actually be classified as that? I’m a firm believer that selfies are good in moderation, but this song makes me question that mindset. I’m not old enough to be saying I now understand why everyone hates my generation.
Rude – Magic!
The only thing that’s rude is this song. It’s a bunch of lads from Canada trying to create reggae music. Let that thought just sit in your brain for a few moments. Ahem, that’s all I’m going to say about that. The basic reggae attempt gets even worse at a lyrical standpoint. It’s about a dad telling a man he can’t marry his daughter. Which, okay – that’s a crappy situation I wouldn’t want to end up in and would definitely be anger provoking, but I wouldn’t clarify that as outright rude. Of course the male saying he’s gonna do it anyways even though he originally cared about this old school tradition to ask makes him look like a wanker, no wonder the dad said no.
An additional bonus song for your enjoyment, because I couldn’t help myself.
Welcome to New York – Taylor Swift
This is probably my most controversial choice on my list and that’s why it’s a fun little extra. Gasp, how dare somebody say anything bad about T-Swift. Somehow Beyoncé and Taylor have reached the level where it’s impossible to criticize them. While I give it to Swift that 1989 was an ACE album full of top-rate jams that even I can label one or two on my best of 2014 list. “Welcome to New York” is horrible. At it’s best it’s pitchy and bland. This feels like an overly produced generic song anybody with a computer program could’ve made up. Not to mention, there’s been plenty of angry critics about the “delusional glamorization” of New York City – Yikes. I’ll not comment on that part because it’s a city I haven’t yet traveled to and we all have varying opinions and likes. All I know is Taylor Swift is a girl who’s songs stand out and she can do much better, hell her music deserves much better.
What do you consider the worst song of 2014?
Until next time,