I’ve always been a dreamer. Almost to a fault. I’ve had plans for my life and nothing was going to stop me. I took unconventional paths to unconventional ends. I’ve faced disappointment like any person does in their life, but I keep going. For those who aren’t familiar with me, music has always been my passion and my draw. I’ve discovered, written about, photographed, composed, planned, and played with music centric things the majority of my life. In some capacity I want to be working with it day in and day out. It’s a hard industry to conquer, especially by a girl from Minnesota.
Recently, I had a one of a kind opportunity come my way. An offer that would truly help me get one step closer to my goals. A customer of mine that I had always enjoyed mentioned offhand she was a concert photographer. I asked how she got involved and she flat out asked if I’d be willing to help her out with local gigs because she was moving. It would give me experience under my belt that was more professional than the collection of my concert shots I post on my blog. What? OF COURSE. I jumped at the opportunity. I was thrilled and ecstatic and felt blessed.
My first gig would’ve been to photograph KDWB’s Jingle Ball. That’s big news as it’s an iHeartRadio event with certified press passes. I couldn’t believe it. I would’ve been taking pictures of well known hot artists like Iggy Azalea, Ariana Grande, Nick Jonas, Meghan Trainor…you name them. The press pass would’ve brought me red carpet and front of the stage access. It felt like a dream. This would be huge in my eventual career goals.
Yet, for those of you that put two and two together Jingle Ball is currently happening and I sit here writing this and obviously not photographing. It all has to do with emails not being returned and questions not being answered and generally being left in the dark. Up until the very moment of, it still seemed like it was happening. My name was cleared and I got the email confirmation, but then what? What were the specified credentials I had to bring? How many lenses were allowed? Nobody would give me the specifics I needed. Hell, I couldn’t even get a response on what type of step stool I was required to bring. Remember, that this was my very first time doing this sort of thing – it wasn’t just another fan at a concert with a point and shoot experience like I had. All I wanted was to do the best job possible and look prepared. I spent all weekend worrying and waiting for responses and nothing. It was pure silence until the event had already started and then still, nothing.
Long story short it was beyond frustrating. I’m left disappointed and bummed out and feeling the urge to maybe go out into an empty field and let out a few good curses. All because I got my hopes up. I looked too far into the future at what this could be like and it all disappeared while it was still being imagined. The only thing I’m happy about in this situation is that I’m a fairly humble person and I didn’t brag about this opportunity (just cryptic tweets of “big things ahead” which still will happen one way or another) to many people other than a handful of loved ones. I would’ve felt like a massive idiot otherwise being like “lol jk it’s not happening guys, sorry.” Yes, I’m someone who worries about saving face when I already have to battle for everybody to take me seriously in my unconventional dreams everyday.
I’m someone who stays optimistic in the face of disappointment. Maybe this just wasn’t the right show for me to start at because of it’s high profile nature. Maybe this specific opportunity with the customer of mine will still blossom. Or maybe I’ll just have to continue to forge the path on my own like I’ve been doing. Maybe this isn’t how it’s all meant to come about. All I know is one setback doesn’t stop me from chasing my dreams, it just makes me more determined.
Blair Waldorf has the right thinking.
In the mean time I think it’s completely appropriate to allow myself one night to wallow. Curl up under the covers and watch a film like Almost Famous and get inspired all over again. I think I’ll add some chocolate and wine in there too.
How do you deal with disappointment?
P.S. – Success is a tricky topic, see the lessons I’ve learned on our desire and perception of success when it comes to our happiness.
Until next time,